LACMA

Yesterday I went to the Los Angeles Musuem of Contemporary Art by myself. It was sweet. I donned my huge rapper headphones and walked around listening to Sigur Ros. I saw the Magritte stuff that they were showing and it was freaking AWESOME. I bought the book about him, and decided this was my favorite

Also, I realize how big of a douche I look in my picture.

How To Be A Hipster

I Found this online, and thought it was hilarious

How To Appear In A Hipster Photoblog

- Don't look directly at the camera, look off to the side as if to indicate that something really cool is happening. But please, don't be excited that something cool is happening.
-- If you MUST look at the camera, be sure to make a pouty/kissy face. And don't try to be ironic, it won't translate.
-- Anybody can kiss a member of the opposite sex, only cool people can pull of same sex kisses. Caution: Ladies, don't look like you're into it, otherwise you might end up on Collegehumor instead... and you don't want that.
-- Show your breasts. And don't forget be angry/disinterested while doing so. Once again, you don't want to come off like a drunken sorority girl who's doing it for attention. They're sluts, you're unique and artsy.
-- Guys, show your breasts. More specifically, show your breast (singular). Try to go with the one-handed shirt lift for maximum effect. Oh, and if you look bored while doing so you'll appear to be making a social statement... or something.
-- Look terrified, like you've never had your picture taken before. Channel the Amish for inspiration.
-- If you have sunglasses... and you're inside... and it's nighttime... wear them. Totally.
-- When in doubt, grab the nearest breast.
-- If you're the DJ, make it look like you're actually doing something technical. Like pretend to adjust the tempo, or hold your headphones to one side to let people know that you're cueing up your next sick track.
-- Cigarettes : Hipsters :: Wheelchairs : Cripples. Don't leave home without them.
-- If you're black, look angry. In order to pull this off you need to remember two things: 1) Keep a white girl nearby to show that everything is okay, and 2) Make sure you're not wearing something ghetto-y, otherwise you'll look like you walked into Happy Ending on the wrong night.
-- Not sure what you're going to wear? Who needs a shirt when you can always just tape x's over your nipples? It's both practical and affordable.
-- You know that little straw they give you to mix your drinks? Drink out of it. It gives you an excuse to suck in your cheeks.
-- If you're ever 6-12 inches away from a vagina, make sure you stick your tongue out.

My Favorite Albums of the Year

Another year gone bye. Its been amazing. I changed jobs, changed cities, and changed into some new facial hair. Here is my list of best albums from the last year, in no paticular order. If your interested in hearing any of them, let me know and i'll get you a copy somehow

1. The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America

Pretty freaking amazing. Reminds me of drinking in a bar for some reason. Lyrics area amazing, if you like O.A.R, Dispatch, or The Arctic Monkeys, this is waaaaay better, and you should listen to it now.

2. The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine

Very gritty and good.

3. Sean Lennon - Friendly Fire

I saw him in concert, and he was amazing. Yea, he sounds a little like his dad, but every track is really good and original.

4. The Knife - Silent Shout

Techno/Dance/Indie rock music. Pitchfork named it album of the year, and it's not suprising. The brother sister duo rock and, ummm i an to lazy to figure out a better way to describe it.

5. Grizzly Bear - Yellow House

"Knife" is the best song for this "lo-fi" sorta band. The Knife also cover a few of these songs, and its greta for chilling out

6. Girl Talk - Night Ripper

Perfect party music. It's pretty much a DJ mash up of popular rap songs mixed with 80's/90's music. Everytime people come over i just put this cd on, and it rocks the house

7. Cat Power - The Greatest

As i was in my depressing female singer phase, i listened to this cd a lot. She has a good voice, and it makes me want to drink tea

8. The Velvet Teen - Cum Laude

Sweet i love it.


Thats it. To lazy to think about more

Trance

I've been listening to Japanese trance music. So good. I came across this asian singer named Ayumi Hamasaki

Everyone knows i like asians, so i was already smitten. Anyway, i guess she's some sort of Britney Spears type figure in Japan. I found a couple trance remix's of all her stuff, and i fell in love.

If your interested (most likely not) download it here

While listening to it i described what one of the music videos would be like to Meghan...it kind of came out of nowhere while we were talking about something else.

Meghan: haha ok

ever?

i feel like atlantic city should be your new spot

3:50 PM me: maybe

my new spot is in your heart

always

Meghan: <3

me: and then lights flash

and japanesse trance comes on

and the walls fall away

and were in the middle of a desert

and you see a shot of the two of us from above

3:51 PM

like hanging from a helicopter

were both wearing white

just staring at each other as the camera flys by

then we start dancing

Meghan: ajklhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

me: super serious

staring at each other

not dancing with each other

just watching each other

3:52 PM dust clouds spin behind us

finally

the song dies down a bit

Meghan: under the moonlight

me: and it focus on your face

and while youre dacing super hard and super fast

...no not under the moonlight

dont be stupid...

anyway...

a tear starts to roll down your face

and you stop dancing abruptly

and so do i

3:53 PM and you walk away

and then it shows me

and then my hand

as a pic of us in black and white falls to the grown

and breaks like it was made of glass

and blows away in the wind

so then its just me

as you walk away

and i have this stern look on my face

super zoomed in

and the beat hits again

super hard

3:54 PM BUM BUM BUM BUM

and zooms out

Meghan: hahahhahahah

me: and there are like 6 hot asian chicks behind me

all dancing in unision with me

Meghan: obviously

me: and we dance

and the sun sets

and comes back up

but im still dancing

HARD

and when finally

many moons have past

we realize

3:55 PM that we dance cause we have to

and thats our life

and the asian bitches are dancing in unision to me

because they respect my stance on life and the way i subject my life to one of dancing

and while your gone

Meghan: dang, so sentimental

me: the beats will be there forever

3:56 PM me: and as the songs ends

im looking off a cliff

at the sunsetting

and for a second

i think i see you dancing in the last glowing rays of the sun

and i give a little smile

because i know

that you will always be with me

in my dance moves

if no where else

THE END

print it

3:57 PM property of bones

Roscoe's

I went to Roscoe's Chicken 'n Whaffles today.
I didn't know what a heart attack looked like until i saw the menu. Wow. I can say i had it though.

The worst part. I met Jack White. Well, that was actually the best part, because i think he is a very talented musician. But, since i had brought my camera to document my trip to Roscoe's, i had it in my pocket, and totally forgot. I could have taken a pic with him. Fuck

Do you ever call a couple people because you need to talk to them, and when neither answer, just start finding small reasons to call anyone just to satisfy your need to hear someones voice/know that your phone still works?

Me neither

Updates

I got a wii. My uber-nerdness has begun. I already had to put a new set of batteries in the controller, if that gives anyone an idea.



So i live with my 14 year old female cousin. We hug every time i get home from work...but, i need to figure out how to do it, cause she has....ummmm developed? so i dont know how to do it without me feeling really awkward.

I cant stop listening to depressing female singers......Regina Spektor, Cat Power, and Fiona Apple are the main three right now. Next thing you know ill have a tea habit and own 3 three cats....i dunno it makes sense to me.

New Years is fast approaching, and it's my least favorite holiday of the year. Why? becuase i got to figure out somewhere cool to be, and have to spend the whole night looking for someone to make out with. Odd's are i'll spend it in the corner of some lame party drinking watered down jungle juice and talking to someone's ugly cousin from Detroit

Sean Lennon Concert

I saw Sean Lennon in concert last Saturday.....He was fucking amazing. He played most of his new CD and a few from "Into The Sun". He kept saying how excited he was to be there, and seemed kinda nervous.



He sounds a lot like his father, but also has a sound very distinctive. It was amazing, thats all i can say. It was at the El Rey theatre, which is a beautiful venue, and was blessed to see him.

My First Weekend Out

This weekend was my first real weekend out in LA. Sewards dragged me out with him, Ken, Morgan (Ken's Buddy), Megan, and Santos.

I can honestly say i have no desire to go out in Hollywood ever again. its not my scene.

We started our night at some place called "Blowfish". Its a upscale sushi place that doubles as a bar. Ken knew the bartenders, so we got free drinks, and walked right in. It has also been in an episode of Entourage, as Sewards has told me over and over again



Next, we went to some place called "Privlidge". I guess its some sort of happening spot. It was my first encounter with one of those celebrity walls, where they stand in front on there way into the club



There were tons of hot asian chicks, which was right up my alley, but since i wasnt sporting a fedora or a Rolex, they wanted nothing to do with me.

Here lies the problem, im no not shot, and dont plan on trying to be to impress chicks at these places. So, Santos and i ended being lost in a sea of over bearing cologne and fake breasts. I am happy that i got to see what the fuss was all about, and unless it was a "bad crowd" as Ken described it, i think ill go somewhere where i wont have to buy $12 Beam and Cokes

Santos and i ended up having to walk part of the way home, since we had no money for a cab, and a BofA was nowhere in site. It sucked, but it was made up for when i stumbled upon this

Living it up

so ive been in la now for almost two weeks, and its strange to be back. i grew up about 45 mins away from where im living now, but it still seems a world away.

I live with my aunt, at her HUGE house in brentwood. they are really nice to me and go out of the way to cook food i like and give me all the comforts i need. i feel bad living here, because i feel like i get in there way, so i try and stay to myself.

I have my own room, bathroom, and side exit, and can obviously come and go as i please. I like to think of my existance as being Kato Kaelinish.

They never watch tv. The house is completly silent from the time i get home, till the time i go to bed. its eerily quiet, and is amazing how i am not used to it. I keep wondering when something is going to turn on. i put my phone on silent went i get home cause im worried the ringer will freak them out

They dont think i drink or party. They (my aunt, uncle, and twin 13 year old cousins i live with) dont drink at all, and when i come back at 4 am its hard to make up explanations of what im doing to that ungodly hour.

I get to see some of my best friends though. Elliot, Santos, Sewards, and Shannon all live really close by, and Elliott has introduced me to the new LA crew as "Justin" which is strange, since no one has called me that in 5 years. I've already walked about 3 miles down wilshire by myself at 2 am, so i think i know the area sorta well

Im trying to reconecct with friends from high school since so many live around the area. im worried though since ive changed a lot since high school (not in a "Never Been Kissed" kinda way).

My new job is cool. Its very different from my old one, as its pretty quiet around the office. im sure ill make friends eventually though. Theyre keeping me pretty busy, which is good, and im making more money, which makes me happy. And, i like it, it seems like ill be happy for awhile.

For now my immediate plans are moving the rest of my shit out of san diego (to where, i dont know yet), going to the Sean Lennon concert Saturday, and buying a nintendo Wii (its gonna be awesome).

This is the coolest video ever

I Got Hired

I finally got a new job. I start work this coming Wednesday. I'll be working for Rubin Postaer, an advertising agency in Santa Monica. I am pretty excited. Sewards works there as well, which is pretty sweet, and i got a pay raise. So i'll be living at my aunts house in Brentwood until i figure out a place to live. I'll probably look to get a studio or something. Anyway's peace out San Diego. It's been real

Jobs

I had an interview yesterday (finally) for a new job. Working in the interactive department of Rubin Postaer. They do the advertising for Honda, Acura, and more recently MGM movies. Should be kinda cool.

Tomorrow i have a phone interview with House of Blues Anaheim. They have a pretty sweet set up.



Hopefuly ill have a job by sometime next week

Beard-Be-Gone

Dear Little Chuck,

We had some good times huh? I'm sorry that i had to shave you off. I have an interview, and i have to look, well professional. Remember that time we got stopped at the airport and taken to secondary? That was awesome. Or how about the second time it happened? That was great to. I won't forget right after i grew you that one girl rubbed you and almost lost it on the spot before we ended up sloppy making out, sorry if she got some saliva on you. Or what about all the Richie Tenenbaum references? I know, it got pretty annoying, but it was funny when that random drunk guy acted like he knew you and had a conversation with you calling you Richie. But most of all i wont forget running my hands on you while in deep thought, or not having to shave all of the time. Hopefully if things go well, ill see you again soon. If not, ill never forget the time we spent together.....R.I.P

A New Phase Of My Life

Have you ever been fired/laid off/had your balls ripped off and fed to you? Thats what happened to me today. I got laid off. It sucks, cause i mean, i cant fucking blame anyone. We lost the account i worked on, which pretty much cancelled my job from existance. Now im sitting at home drinking listening to an Alicia Keys/Maroon 5 cover of "Wild Horses" (this is not a joke).

I loved my job. I loved everything about it. I loved the people, i loved the work, i loved the jokes and laughs i had, i loved the experience. This is another first for me in life. I have no idea what i'm going to do. I'm going to wake up tomorrow (Friday) morning and not have to get up for anything.

I want to get into music more. After getting a taste at this job, thats what i want to devote my working life to. But i don't know where to begin. I feel like i have always known tons of people, and am very connected thoroughout San Diego. But when it comes to business wise, i don't know anyone, i'm worries about the future, but optimistic of the possibilities it holds.

I hope the best for my former coworkers, as they were good to me, and hope even even better for myself. Thats all i got, but by the way, this is the actions i took this past weekend while i was wasted in newport

• Urinated while walking on the major street in Newport Beach
• Called my parents house at 3am and demanded my sister wake up my mom so i could talk to her
• Passed out in a hot tub
• Ran around breathing like a dragon after i puked
• Locked myself in a food pantry to eat almonds
• Passed out then woke up berating Mannon telling him "your not gonna fuck jessica so go to bed, her boobs suck anyways" she was sitting right next to me

Those were all second hand accounts, i don't remember any of it.....oh Jager my old friend

Watch this now

Question

Why is asians singing anything the funniest thing in the world to me?

Daily Show - Even Stevphens

While i have always been a HUGE Daily Show and Colbert Report fan, i really didn't get to see a lot of the awesome interchanges between Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert in the classic "Even Stevphen" episodes ....here are ome of the best

I'm Bored

I am a professional photographer. I took this pic, it was awesome.....My dad would be proud

I swear it looks better high res.....its of the Cold War Kids at the Casbah......
Ernie is a super-bitch, but this is as sweet of a picture as your gonna get.


Someone should buy this



Designer pepper spray. Are you freaking kidding? Who the hell is going to wear that? It looks like Boy George got a Bedazzler for Xmas and came up with it or something. So fucking stupid

On the other hand, these are the sweetest things to hit the market



Shoes....with speakers built into them. I will pay anyone that owns that and will let me borrow them for a day. The shoes retail for a mere $200. Thats all you have to pay to walk down a main street doing your best Travolta impersonation while hearing Staylin Alive blast a path in front of you

Thats all i got

Good Music

Everyone should listen to these CD's

Girl Talk - Night Ripper
It's a mashup cd. Filled with rap songs blended with 80's and 90's favs. Never would i thought Weezer and rap would sound so good together Found it online.... get it here

The Mars Volta - Amputechture
New CD that's set to be released soon. Really good, try listening to Viscera Eyes. Get it here

Fucking Myspace

I hate when i get messages from chicks telling me to check out their website or whatever. So i started sending messages back to these bitches, just cause i have a mean soul. I got one today, and like always they wanted me to be their friend, and check out some website. Here's a link to the Myspace page slutty chicks

And here is what the message i sent back looked like.


















You done any? Let me know and ill post. I had a bunch more, but i guess it delete's old mail after two weeks

Fawlty Towers

Greatest Brtish Show Ever

Well, besides Monty Python, but it stars John Cleese....i suggest everyone takes a look. Here's a classic episode

Part 1


Part 2

Cold War Kids

This band is freakin' awesome. Well at least i think so. I have had one of their songs stuck in my head for like 3 1/2 weeks. They are playing at The Casbah on September 7th, and tickets are $10. I suggest that people go. I know i am

You can find their song "Hopital Beds" that i have had stoke in my head Here

You can buy tickets to see them at The Casbah Here

Waiters

don't you hate when the waiter sits down at your table to take your order? its like when you have to bend down to get on eye level with a little kid. What the fuck? are you superior to me? Are we all of a sudden gonna be great friends since you sat at the table with us? Are we chummy? and cant you just fucking write down my order? I don't give a shit if you can memorize it. Wow good for you. You can memorize a chinese chicken salad, medium well cooked steak with mashed potatoes and the salad with italian dressing. That doesn't impress me. I would be more impressed if the ketchup didn't have the crusty ketchup all around the rim and my food got to me in a respectable amount of time

Things Change

I recently went home to help my parents move to a new house. They moved into a 3 bedroom, just like we used to live in, except my room is now the office in the new house. Very strange. Even though i moved out officialy 5 years ago when i left for college, moving from the house i grew up in, and seeing all my things in the garage with my name on it was the last straw. I am now as far as i am concerned an adult. I have no home to go back to. It's just me, my ikea furniture, my sidekick, and my laptop against the world. My parents even had to get a new phone number, and as i programmed it into my phone, i changed the entry from "Home" to "Mom&Dad". Anyway, i now know that my mom has gave up on me ever moving home (thank god) my dad's realized he can get away with not giving me money anymore (depressing) and they both can spend more money on plants, rugs, dishes, towels, and whatever else old people buy.

Summer Music

This is just shit i have been listening to lately which is probably off of the beaten track. If anyone is actually really interested, lemme know and ill make sure you will get the album

1. John Frusciante - Curtains
This CD blew my fucking mind. One of my top ten of all time now. Its just the best chill out CD i could ask for Frusciante is an amazing guitar player, and the passion behind his voice makes each track very heartfelt. Also check out Niandra Lades and Usually Just a T-Shirt for more awesomeness



2. Sigur Ros - ()
Wow. I have been a huge fan of Sigur Ros for awhile, and finally got my hands on this. Its really really good. Supposedly people weep when they play in concert, and i can see why. You know they have to be good if the album is called "()" and all the songs are untitled. Its Icelandic music, with crazt gibberish speaking and the guitarist playing his guitar with a violin bow. Great for studying, working, road trips, going to sleep.

3. The Raconteurs - Broken Boy Soldiers
This is a great cd. Its pretty short though, clocking in at 33 minutes. "Together" is by far the best track in my opinion. The Raconteurs is Jack White's new band after he left the White Stripes. Good rock CD...ch ch check it out




4. Rogue Wave - Out of the Shadow
Good band. Props to Mchank for turning me on to them at all. Once i got the CD i new what he was talking about. Aweome band, great lyrics and harmonies. For some reason remind me of the Beach Boys sometimes.




5. George Harrison - All Must Pass
George Harrison is god. My favorite Beatle and the most succesful after the band first broke up. This collection puts together his best work. Beware of Darkness is my fav song, but he has so many good ones that i feel he may never have got the respect he deserves

"Another Reason" - Episode 2, Drunk Rant

I wrote this at 4am this morning. The navajo part is my favorite
Date: Jul 16, 2006 4:06 AM

do you ever stand like superman when you piss? i do. i dunno why, i kinda look to the right and put my hands on my hips and like defiantly at my "Hydrating Curls" Pantene Pro V in my shower. I seem to be blackong out more and more the older i get. at first i was worried, now i feel like its the sequel to memnto waiting to happen. I think the story is somewhere along the line of i have a girlffriend and she hangs out with me on weekends only, and i have no fucking idea who she is during the week. check this out, im gonna make a special paper that you put in your printer that makes temporary tattoes. thats awesome. Do girls ever really have jobs? i know like 14 girls and i feel like none of them actually work, but always have enought money to buy a microscopic louis vuitton key chain that costs 350 dollar. i seriously cant take another person asking me "where have you been". What the fuck is that supposed to mean where have i been? you wat me to fucking say i was like filming a seen from the movie armageddon or something? am i saving the world and walking animal crackers on liv tylers chest? what the fuck do you want from me? fuck i hate people, its getting pretty sad. do i really fit in this steroetypical world filled with mus handled deeds fulfilled by the cock sons of bitches that have been given things on a silver platter? Will in like 20 years people laugh at me when i say i think marriage is cool? i mean its pretty much over. the divorce rte is so high its figured your going to divroce the first person you meet anyway. things are going to devolve back into mariage really only being about status and where you are in life. i mean do i relly want to marry a 32 year old pr exec cause it means ill fucking be admired and eat good bruchetta? fuck that. i dont think i could get marries, unless its to an asian chick who drives an escalade and doesnt speak englsh. i want to teach myself navajo and move to fiji and just blow minds. i think athats a good idea im going to bed, it took me likfe 10 mintues to edit this so it was coherent

Laser Tag is awesome

This weekend i played laser tag. Yea.....it was fucking awesome. Considering my last post was about how much i hate the bars during the summertime, im trying to see how long i can go without actually going to the bars..... So far 3 weeks

Brex and i went Friday and scoped it out and played just to see what the scene would be like for when i actually invited people to come Saturday. I didn't want to invite people into something that was fun when we were 12 and was lame now. Boy was i wrong. Laser tag is FUCKING AWESOME.

We met at my house at 7 Saturday for the pre funk (pre party). Bruck, his buddy Pete, Morris, Teddy, and Kendra were the squad. After some cocktails and beers we hit the road, with a handle of Bacardi of course.

People were nervous if it was actually gonna be awesome or not. After the 1st game, all fears were alleviated.
It was sweet. You sweat rigourously and have no idea what is going on. Except that you have had 4 beers and taken 3 shots of Bacardi in the parking lot. All we needed was menthol cigarettes and it was high school all over again.

After the first game we noticed a Chuck E Cheese next door. And whats that? They sell alcohol?
Yea it was pretty sweet. You can dance in front of this blue screen and it shows up on camera around Chuck's (thats what the cool kids call it). Anyway, we went back and played more games, but at this point we were all really wasted and started shooting each other, even though we were on the same team
Anywhoo i suggest everyone come next time i set it up, or you will be fucking missing out big time

PB in the Summertime = School in the Summertime

I couldn't wait for this summer. While last year i lived up by State, i was so excited to be living by the beach this summer and be able to indulge myself completly in a summer by the beach. Don't get me wrong, i have had a great time at the beach drinking up a storm, and hitting the bars still drunk from the day. But, i am getting super frustated

I fucking hate people from out of town. They come to PB and ruin it for "locals" or whatever you want to call people that live here. Here are the reasons

1. Lines at the bars are way longer- Somehow i always get stuck behind some douche that finds it neccesary to wear a hat with some area code i have never heard of, and is speaking loudly to someone on the phone telling him how theyre in SD and how cool it is

2. "The Overdresser"- There is absolutly no reason to weat slacks, a dress shirt, and those gay clear sunglasses to Typhoon on a Saturday. You are not Corey Hart.

3. "The Creech Ball"- This guy is also very common in Vegas due to the high traffic of tourists. Girls know him by his trademarked phrases "Where you going?", "What's up girl", and "Daaaammmmmn". Does that shit ever really work?

I would like to leave with a quote i heard on the radio. This guy called in asking why they never talk about anything on the radio that's important, and this is what he had to say

"i hate how pb and garnet has turned into madison ave. its like these college students come from all around america and stand on garnet at midnight hoping there existance will be verifed, and someone will tell them they exist and that by being there in some small insignificant way, they are important

Another Reason

A new edition is going to be "Another Reason" which will be posts about how we drink to much, and one day it will take it's toll. This first entry will have a couple, just because, well.....just because.

Seducing Myself
Last weekend we went out and did god knows what. Anyway, i must have passed out in my bed/made it to my bed at some point in the evening, and awoke at roughly 5:30 in the morning dying of thirst, and probably a little drunk still. I lifted my head and looked around my room to see candles lit and placed all around my room, and Coldplay playing out of my computer....yea i dunno what i was thinking. I don't think at any point there was a girl in my bed, so i guess i was seducing myself to slumber.

The Mortuary
This stroy is about Ernesto, as told by him:

i got really drunk the other night. so drunk that i woke up on a couch in the back yard of my frat. two hours later i finally make it home when i get a phone call from some random number. i was kinda drunk but here is the ensuing conversation as best i remember:

me: hello?

dude on the phone: hello, mr. davalos

me: uhhh...hi

dude: yes this is bill (dont really remember the name) with the black and black mortuary. (thats not really the name i just dont know if i can get in trouble for this)

me: well hi bill. why are you calling me?

dude: i was calling to confirm the funeral arrangements that you placed last night. you sounded very distraught and i am sorry for your loss.

me: wait. what loss? what are you talking about?

dude: you called very late last night and said that someone you knew was going to die and that you would like to set up arrangements for the burial of (papers rustle) ernesto davalos.

it is at this point that i realized exactly how fucking drunk i was. holy shit.

me: oh shit. hey listen bill i dont really now how to put this but last night i was really really drunk and i guess i got your number from 411 and drunk dialed my own funeral.

dude: you what?

me: yeah. bill im sorry but i am ernesto davalos and i figure that i still have at least 45 or fifty years left in me. ill call you then.

dude: yes. i guess you will.

and then he hung up. he sounded really pissed and i dont know if that last part was some kind of threat but its weird having a dude who handles dead people all day call you out.


Look for more exciting stories in the future

"Fly Guy" Email Update

For those of you who have not read my last post, read that one first before proceding forward.

So here's the update. I have continued to get email from Stephon, and decided to have a little fun with him at first. After getting the pics of boobs and vagina's i got one more pic......

From: Stephon
Here goes another one, she nasty as hell she put 3 fingers in herself, lol
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Yes, it was of what you guessed. An African American girl who put three fingers into her....well you know...ummm.... that thing girls repeatedly call Ernesto. Anyway, i don't even know this guy and i had had enough. I didn't want him to think i was some sorta homo. I mean i know he has no idea who i am, but i had to keep some respect for the guy that he thought i was, so i sent him this picture of this chick Erica from work telling Stephon i was "hittin it".
Yea obviously i was trying to get a cleavage shot, and no, her forehead really isn't that big in person (or is it?) but she wouldn't give me much to work with, i guess the engagement ring was holding her back a tad. But when he responded i began to think something was up.

From: Stephon
O yea I think I remember her, she bomb I aint gonna lie didn't she use 2 talk 2 keeny moltery or somethin
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Wait what? Hold on, he thinks he knows her? Either this is a great story from Erica that she has been holding back, or this guy is pulling a Stevie Wonder and is fucked up. So i play along and send him a message about how she's bomb as hell and she's been all over my nuts.

Note: If by any slight chance Erica reads this ever, i enjoy our working relationship and enjoy the level of professionalisim that we participate in on any given day. By no way is my discourse a reflection of a literal view i have towards you. I respect you and the high level of intelligence and work that you do.

Anyway, so he responds with

From: Stephon
U stupid, lol I got crazy hoes out here 4real but real shiit I'm bout 2 stop messin wit all these stupid hoes and stay true 2 that 1 I took 2 prom
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Ah Ha! A chance for me to finally do some good! I send him along email about maybe it is time to settle down, and everyone gets to a point where they need "2 stop messin wit all these stupid hoes" and find the right one for him. I decided by doing this Karma would smile favorably on me after this situation, and things would be ok. He responded with

From: Stephon
4real and real shit I think I'm bout 2 start right now, lol, I'm bout 2 hit up the movies wit wifey so I'm gonna hit up later
*lights, camera action when I walk through the door*
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Ha HA! Success! I had made him understand it was time for him to settle down "wit wifey". I had not heard from him in a couple days and then just when i thought my ordeal was over. It began again

From: Stephon
Now these are some big ass titties my nigga, lol
*I got hoes in diffrent area codes*
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!
FUCK. I thought he had his wifey? As strange as it is to say, i know what his "wifey's" boobs look like from the earlier post, and these were similiar to an earlier email. Maybe he was just sending me pics he forgot to send me earlier. I was hoping that that was all it was, partly for him, and partly because somewhere in my deranged mind i though if he had a girlfriend he would be less inclined to beat my ass if he ever finds out who i am

From Stephon
I got hoes, lol and they love me, she got the bombest damn titties huh? I fuck her a regular to
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!
DUUUUUUUUDE. I have finally had enough. I am ready to tell him who i am and stop this fucking thing

Crazy Email

Since i have a sidekick (awesome) i get "T-Mail" which is email you get on your phone, which is set up wehn you get your phone. No one has the address so when i got an email a week ago i was skeptical.

From Stephon:
Was sup cuz?
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

I obviously have no idea who Stephon is but decided to play along for a bit. I dont have the emails i sent him, but here are the first couple i got back

From Stephon: What u been up 2 my nigg, haven't heard from u in a minute
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

From Stephon:
Gettin my prom tux right now, georgia's stupid as hell, nigga tatted up though
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

So what do i know? His name is Stephon, he is most likely black, he is in high school (probably a senior, he has tattoes, and that Georgia is "stupid as hell". Things were getting interesting and i could tell this was going somewhere good, so i began to prod him about prom


From Stephon:
Hell yea my tux fly ass hell, I see ya niggas are doin it big out there from ya myspace, how did ya season go
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

So i have a myspace? I am yet to find whoever myspace's account i have, but the *Fly Guy* HEY!!!thing is pretty annoying. But then it started getting worse. He started sending me pictures. Scary pictures


AHHHHH a gun? What the fuck? The name of the picture was "I aint never scared". Well i was, and am.

From Stephon: I aint gonna lie I seen ya niggas shinnin on myspace, can u believe they tryna get this nigga derell on battery charges 4 fighten
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

I decided after a couple messages like that i had enough. But then....then he sent me pics of his prom.

Looks like prom was fun bro...thanks for the sweet pics...just like my prom..... and then

From: Stephon Here goe one of my hoes, she got the bombest titties alive, lol
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

WOAH WHAT THE FUCK. Things moved up a notch....and continued to
From: Stephon Lol ahhhhahhh here go a hoe I just pound 2day and she took a nigga 2 work, lol *Fly Guy* HEY!!!
DUUUUUUUUUDE. This was starting to get a little toooooo far. I deleted her face out of the picture becuase she was doing this puppy dog eye thing that i felt really bad about. I knew it was to far especially after i got this one.

From: Stephon
here goes her titties that big as hell
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!
And then i wont even post it, but he sent me a picture of the girls vagina super close up. When i asked him how she let him take a picture

From Stephon:

Naw she took that pic of herself and sent it 2 me talkin bout its all mine whenever I want it and all this other bull shit *Fly Guy* HEY!!! Wow, anyways thats all that has happened up until tonight...ill keep you updated