The Story of Frodo

His name was Dan. He was an ordinary guy, and when you live in Newport Beach, that's saying something.

He grew up in a regular town, with regular parents, and went to a regular high school. He went to normal parties, had a normal car, and listened to normal music. The problem was, he also hooked up with normal girls.

Dan always wanted more. He knew he was capable, but just like many of us, he needed that extra little "bump" out of life that sometimes propels us onto a completely different path than the one we are accustomed to.

Dan lived with 2 girls. Like many a man, he was hoping that this life choice would pay dividends for him. But unlike many a man, he let these girls take control of him. They changed his hair, clothing, and personality until he was a ghost of the man he once was.

He had become a 949 badass, and no longer held sacred all those things that were once important to him. His friends laughed when his shiny shirts melted butter and shook their heads then his hair gel wafted into the air. He thought that the sucubus' that took over his life would somehow help him get the girls that he had always dreamed of. But things werent panning out as he expected

Luckily, this all changed one day when Frodo was picking up latte's for his roomates. He was walking through the alley back to his car when he noticed an old man huddling in the corner. Frodo couldnt see him quite clearly because he was wearing perscription glasses even though he had lasik on his eyes. This made it difficult for him to see, and was caught off guard when the man motioned him over.

Frodo's designer alligator shoes squeaked as he slowly approcahed the man. As he began to speak FRodo leaned in as far as he could without ripping his Diesel Jeans

Old Man: "I have seen you around town, and have noticed the degree to which you have changed your ways. I see string desire within you to satisfy a beautiful girl, but you lack an essential item"

As the man spoke Frodo rubbed on his skull and cross bones necklace recently purchased from Banana Republic.

Old Man: "While you ahve over indulged in douchebaggery with your clothing selection, i can help you with this one essential item"

The old man drew back his dirty raincoat and began to uncover an object that was hidden deep within the recess of his jacket.

Old Man: " You desire time with beautiful women, and so i bequeth onto you this magic ridiculously oversized watch."

Frodos eyes began to gleem as his gazed onto the an object 5 times the size of his penis

Old Man: "With this watch you will be able to date women more beautiful than any you could ever have imagined."

As Frodo took off one of his leather bracelets and began to fasten the watch onto his arm, he realized that his life was over as he knew it, and a new day would rise, one in which he would be the kewlest kid ever.

Old Man: "I send you on your way with one simple request....when you did find that special girl, make sure you hook up with any female relatives she may have first"

And with that Frodo sucked in his stomach, puffed out his chest, and went along his way. And the rest as they say, is history