The Story of Frodo

His name was Dan. He was an ordinary guy, and when you live in Newport Beach, that's saying something.

He grew up in a regular town, with regular parents, and went to a regular high school. He went to normal parties, had a normal car, and listened to normal music. The problem was, he also hooked up with normal girls.

Dan always wanted more. He knew he was capable, but just like many of us, he needed that extra little "bump" out of life that sometimes propels us onto a completely different path than the one we are accustomed to.

Dan lived with 2 girls. Like many a man, he was hoping that this life choice would pay dividends for him. But unlike many a man, he let these girls take control of him. They changed his hair, clothing, and personality until he was a ghost of the man he once was.

He had become a 949 badass, and no longer held sacred all those things that were once important to him. His friends laughed when his shiny shirts melted butter and shook their heads then his hair gel wafted into the air. He thought that the sucubus' that took over his life would somehow help him get the girls that he had always dreamed of. But things werent panning out as he expected

Luckily, this all changed one day when Frodo was picking up latte's for his roomates. He was walking through the alley back to his car when he noticed an old man huddling in the corner. Frodo couldnt see him quite clearly because he was wearing perscription glasses even though he had lasik on his eyes. This made it difficult for him to see, and was caught off guard when the man motioned him over.

Frodo's designer alligator shoes squeaked as he slowly approcahed the man. As he began to speak FRodo leaned in as far as he could without ripping his Diesel Jeans

Old Man: "I have seen you around town, and have noticed the degree to which you have changed your ways. I see string desire within you to satisfy a beautiful girl, but you lack an essential item"

As the man spoke Frodo rubbed on his skull and cross bones necklace recently purchased from Banana Republic.

Old Man: "While you ahve over indulged in douchebaggery with your clothing selection, i can help you with this one essential item"

The old man drew back his dirty raincoat and began to uncover an object that was hidden deep within the recess of his jacket.

Old Man: " You desire time with beautiful women, and so i bequeth onto you this magic ridiculously oversized watch."

Frodos eyes began to gleem as his gazed onto the an object 5 times the size of his penis

Old Man: "With this watch you will be able to date women more beautiful than any you could ever have imagined."

As Frodo took off one of his leather bracelets and began to fasten the watch onto his arm, he realized that his life was over as he knew it, and a new day would rise, one in which he would be the kewlest kid ever.

Old Man: "I send you on your way with one simple request....when you did find that special girl, make sure you hook up with any female relatives she may have first"

And with that Frodo sucked in his stomach, puffed out his chest, and went along his way. And the rest as they say, is history

Frodo has too much time on his hands

Frodo sent this to me today. He's trying to trade me to Nor Cal for Beau. He even got the paralegal at his company to write it up

AGREEMENT

THIS AGREEMENT ("Agreement") is made and entered into as of August 8, 2008 ("Execution Date"), by and between JUSTIN TAYLOR, JASON SEWARDS, MEGAN FORKE, BONNIE RAITT (collectively, "Southern California Residence"), and BEAU DELMORE , ("Northern California Resident").

AGREEMENT

NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual covenants and agreements contained herein and for other good and valuable consideration, the receipt and sufficiency of which are acknowledged, all parties of this action agree that the terms and conditions of this Agreement.

1. JUSTIN TAYLOR, JASON SEWARDS, MEGAN FORKE and BONNIE RAITT must move to Northern California, in exchange for BEAU DELMORE.

1.1 According to the Execution Date, the move must take place prior to the expiration of six months after all parties have signed.

2. IF BEAU DELMORE moves back to Northern California, he MUST become the biggest Angels fan in the world.

2.1 (DEFINITION OF BIGGEST ANGEL FAN)

I. Every time the Angels play at Oakland, BEAU DELMORE must attend the game.

II. At said games, BEAU DELMORE, must be wearing Angel gear for every single article of clothing (even articles of clothing that are not showing)

III. BEAU DELMORE, can only attend such games with Meghan and Margo.

IV. At such games, pictures must be taken.

V. BEAU DELMORE must purchase the tickets (and Meghan and Margo’s tickets)

3. IF JUSTIN TAYLOR moves back to Orange County, San Deigo County, or Los Angeles County, every party is this action is allowed to kill him.

1. This is negated if JUSTIN TAYLOR moves to a 909 area code

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have executed this Agreement as of the day and year first written above.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS: By:_______________________________ Name: Justin Taylor Its: Authorized Signatory By:_______________________________ Name: Jason Sewards Its: Authorized Signatory By: ______________________________ Name: Megan Forke Its: Authorized Signatory By: ______________________________ Name: Bonnie Raitt Its: Authorized Signatory

NORTHERN CALIFORNIA RESIDENT: BEAU DELMORE By: ______________________________ Name: Beau Delmore Its: Authorized Signatory

Names

What do you call someone of the opposite sex thats a bit older than you that you like? all the words for the opposite sex dont seem to fit.

"Lady" - Sounds like someone i bumped into in a supermarket that i dont know.
"Chick" - Could be someone i want to hook up with
"Broad" - Too mean.
"Girl" - Not friendly enough
"Woman" - Makes her sound 45 and has kids.

any ideas?

Bull Semen

A story from Frodo on google chat today

"bruck and i went to the oc fair last weekend with the girls and i got gay bull seman ejaculated on my arm"

"i was at the rodeo at the fair and a bull started pounding another bull in the ass and he pulled it out and jizzed all over the place, i was standing right but the railing and felt some hit my arm, i blame the chick i was talking to for not warning me"

wow