Checking I.D

So now that i am a standard Pacific Beach bum, i have been going to the bar's on occasion. What i have started to notice that even more than being annoyed at having to stand in a fucking line to give someone money before i can even drink, (i think it would be a great idea to sell over priced beer's to people standing in line) i hate the standard exchange i partake in when i show the bouncer my I.D. First he gives me this look like he is fucking Robocop and is processing my face into his database or some shit. Then he looks at my I.D, bends it, just in case its a fake i.d made out of glass or something, then shines his nifty purple light threw it. And finally, the very worst part, he gives me a look like he knows im not really at least 21, and is doing me some huge fucking favor by letting me in. He says no words, just looks at me, gives a little head nod in the direction of the cashier, and hands me my I.D back like i have been given a huge favor by thi huge human being. Thanks asshole, next time why don't you just stay home and make your creatine energy drinks and watch the 1987 World's Strongest Man compeition on ESPN 2

Getting Old

The other day someone referred to something that happened by saing "wow that must have been back in 1999 when that happened". Fuck that. I never thought about it, but i didn't think i have ever referred to anything in my life by they year. Everything is "when i was in 10th grade" or "a couple of years ago". But fuck i know when the day comes when i start referencing my past by the year, i'm getting to old and it's getting close to the time where either i need to shoot myself in the face, or get married into a loveless marriage where we only ever speak to each other concerning our children's various sports events we need to attend, when we ask each other to drop something off on the way to work, or not to forget to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home from work.

Funniest Shit Right Now

I seriously can't get enough of these two things right now......you gotta check 'em out

If you havent heard the Chronicles of Narnia Rap, you gotta check it out. Its freaking hilarious, and i hope they do another installment. Watch the video here:
Chronicles of Narnia Rap

After you have already seen that, listen to these two little kids singing it....
Little Chronicle

Secondly, these fucking guido fools pictures are fucking hilarious. Go to this site and go to the pic's section. These are serious pics of some guys in New Jersey that think they're hot shit.......check it out.
Guido Fools

I Moved

I finally moved. It was quite the fucking journey. We didn’t found out if we got the place we eventually moved into until Thursday, and we had to be out of our old place by today (Sunday). It was a stressful couple of weeks, considering we had no idea if we were going to be homeless, or if we would have a house to sleep in. After much fandangaling by Tim, we finally secured our new place on Walmar Lane (sounds like a lifetime channel movie if you ask me). I actually didn’t even see the place until I made the first trip over here to bring crap. But it is awesome. Three story house, 2.5 bathrooms, huge living room, granite top kitchen, and is less than five years old. It’s hard to describe so you will have to come see it, or check out the pictures ill be putting up in my Flickr account. It has some wierd windows, turns, stairwells and such. It’s a real modern house, and I feel like I should be bumping trance music 24 hours a day. Anyway, I hope all the homies come check it out, cause now that I finally live in Pacific Beach, you know that a lot of interesting things are just set to happen.

Stupid Day At Ikea

Today I went to Ikea. I know already my first mistake. Partaking in a busy day is about the same as being in an internment camp during the holocaust. They fucking force you to walk through the whole goddamn store, and worse, if I want to buy something, I can’t just take it. I have to write down some fucking German name like Holdstatt or Gremmern or something, then find 23 F and finally locate my item somewhere 10 minutes away from where I initially found the item. By going through this long drawn out process, I already had somehow ended up with a purple desk with black legs.

Anyway, today I had to make a run for work to Ikea to pick up some screws since our intern quit. Anyway, I was cruising through the bedroom section of Ikea, and run into a super hot Asian chick. Of course I was smitten with love at the moment that I saw her, and even more so because she was in the bed section (I know, it makes no sense). So anyway I was kinda horribly staring at her, being enthralled in her hotness when she did something that transcended any previous action that a woman has shown to me. She started doing sign language. Holy fuck I hit the Holy Grail. Not only was she hot and Asian, she also couldn’t speak a lick of……well anything. At first I thought maybe her friend was the one that couldn’t speak, but her friend turned her back and the hot Asian deaf chick started flailing her arms in an attempt to gain her friends attention.

Obviously I had no idea what to do, being amazed at meeting my ideal girl but at the same time having no fucking clue what to do. So I did the least rational thing I could think of….. I called Brex.

Brex: “Dude Bones you have to talk to her”
Bones: “Well how the fuck am I going to do that? Smile at her?”
Brex: “No, Bones do sign language for I love you or something.”
Bones: “And then what the fuck am I going to do, smile at her like an idiot?”
Brex: “No dude get her phone number or something”
Bones: “Brex she’s fucking deaf I don’t think that’s going to help”

For a few more fleeting moments I stared in her general direction before realizing that their really was nothing that I could do. I also had convinced myself that I am way to lazy to learn sign language, so I should just give up.

So I gave up, grabbed the screws that I needed and checked out. But the whole rest of the time I was there all I was thinking about was the opportunity that I missed out on. Or was it? I mean of course a dream of mine is a woman that will listen as I endlessly babble on about myself. But a deaf chick? I began to wonder if was as awesome as I initially thought. She really couldn’t laugh at all my jokes, become self-absorbed in my life, or any of the other key features that I look for. And by the time I had come to, I was halfway back to work on the freeway. And as I looked around I realized that I forgot the screws on the counter in Ikea…..Fuck Me.

Vegas Trip

I just got back from another awesome Vegas Trip. Our mission? To infiltrate the Adult Video News "AVN" convention. Our crew (Tim, Brex, Ernesto, and Bones) set out at about 6:30 on Friday. The car ride sucked, and consisted of Tim and Ernesto smoking cigarretes while driving 90, and Brex and I sitting in the back playing hangman
We obviously didnt make it to Vegas until 12:30, but even so, we proceeded to get shit house and wreak havok. We met up with Joel, our buddy from Vegas that owns a HUGE mansion in Vegas and throws adult parties (more on that later). He took us to a hookah bar where we smoked hook and drank crown on the rocks to the wee hours of the night, or early morning.
Saturday begun and we got to do it, finally.....go to the AVN convention. We got their at about 1:00 pm as the convention ran 12-6 that day and we decided to show up fashionably late. Little did we know the cluster fuck that would ensue. It took us....i kid you not..... an hour and a half to get into the actual convention because of how busy it was. But we got in, and immediatley i was blessed with meeting Teanna Kai:
I was nervous to say the least especially after i grabbed her flyer and was reaching for another one she told me that it was just the backside of the one i already took. Whoops. We rolled around downstairs for a little while longer, but it was a small area and not much really going on. Worried that we had pumped it up to much and were inevitably going to be let down, we moved on upstairs, which was the other section of the convention.

Holy crap, this was seriously just like that one scene in "The Girl Next Door".
It was pretty crowded and about the size of 8 football fields. We were lost in a sea of smut, and it was awesome.

I met some more random asian chicks along the way, and had a few strange encounters. For one, even though this was a porn convention, no chicks were naked, or flashing boobs or anything. Their was no nudity....period. Obviously some videos were showing porn, but they were only allowed to show women naked no hardcore stuff. So the experience was surreal in the fact that even though it was a convention for pornography, everyone for the most part was very business like. Which leads me to my strangest encounter.

I was at some booth and they gave me a calendar for 2006. So they had girls set up to sign their assigned month and so forth. So, even though i thought the chick was ugly, i got her to sign the calendar. She looks at me with a straight look of bordem and says "Who do i make it out to?" To which i reply "Uhhh Bones, like you know Bones in your body or whatever" (which i repeated numerous times that day). So she flip's the calendar open (which i had not looked at yet) to her month, and as she begins to write i look down at the calendar, and saw the picture for her month and it's some chick spitting cum into the girl who's signing my calendar's mouth. I look at her as she's writing like she's fucking crazy, and as she finishes she just looks at me dead pan and just says here you go, like she's selling me fucking groceries or something. I could'nt believe she could just sign it like it was fucking nothing, no facial expressions just whatever. And here's the kicker. As i was walking away i looked at what she wrote and this is what it said "Bones- I'm the filthiest whore you'll ever meet love, Kat". She definitly didnt seem like it.

Anyways, we also got to meet this awesome dude called Evan Stone that does softcore like skinemax and hardcore i guess, and Ernesto and i decided the moment we took this picture that we were in his fanclub for life
And as we finally were going to leave, we ran into the one man that could bring the perfect day to a close. Ron Jeremy
We left at 6 and had definitely had our fill. Still recovering from shock and awe, we drove to Joel's house for the AVN after party we were to attend.

Of course, at this point we already had seen enough hot chicks for a lifetime, but a couple more would'nt hurt. The house is 2 stories, with the "living quarters" upstairs and the "club" downstairs. The club part of the house is 22,000 square feet, has a dance floor, dj booth, bar, movie theatre, pool and ping pong tables, numerous projectors showing music videos on the walls and EIGHT adjoining bedrooms for whoever needs to "use them". We weren't really allowed to take pictures during the party, but here's what the place looked like

The party was obviously interesting. We met a porn star called Black Magic, as well as some other cool peep's. The night at least for me is quite fuzzy to say the least, but we hung out, danced, and got into some trouble. I looked in my phone, and from what i have gathered, we went to sleep at 6, and this was the last pic of the night
We woke up severly hung over at around 11 and peaced out of Vegas. The ride home sucked, but we actually did something we had always said we would do. We stopped at Whiskey Pete's and went to the buffet.
Besides that, we argued about how Brex invents parts of conversations, talked about how often we though porn stars actually work, and debated the meaning of life. Overall it was a great trip. Check out me Flickr account for more pics

Im On Wikipedia!

Wikipedia is a free online Encyclopedia. Somehow i figured out that i could make a Wikipedia entry on "Bonestown". I dunno how long it will stay up, but take a read and learn a little something about me.

My Wikipedia Entry!

*EDIT - The bastards took it down, so here it is if you're interested:

Bonestown- Also known as Bonessauce, Bonestown USA, Bones "Ice Cold" 3000, Bones, or just Bones in the pants.

A rather important individual who existed in the the beginning of the 21st century. Born and raised in Palos Verdes Estates (CA), a rich suburb of Los Angeles, he was always looked at as a special child that would soon outgrow his small town, and move on to bigger and better things. "Bones" left his feeble beginnings in Los Angeles and moved to San Diego to begin a formal college education at San Diego State University (SDSU). Here, he realized his true calling. Inspiring thousands of students with his witty catch phrases and tantalizing humor. Bonestown made SDSU a more exciting place to go to college, and rumor has it that throngs of freshman women figured Bones into the equation when choosing SDSU. Many referred him as being "A Pretty Big Deal" and an almost Van Wilder like figure around campus. He pledged [[Sigma Alpha Epsilon]] and later became president of the organization. Among his other accomplishments, he was initiated into two honor soceities, a member of SDSU's homecoming court, and was also awarded a lifetime pass to SDSU. But as as a bald eagle outgrows his nest, Bonestown outgrew SDSU. He had given all he had to SDSU, and had made it a better place for all. Women love him, men envy him, and soceity is better off with him in this world. Part god? Some would say so, but for now, Bones is happy doing what he does best, exciting throngs of women by his oft copied catch phrases and edgy humor. Where will be found next? Well noone really knows for sure, but if you pray hard enough, maybe one day he will grace you with his presence. Rumored to be secretly engaged to Jessica Alba