Another Reason

A new edition is going to be "Another Reason" which will be posts about how we drink to much, and one day it will take it's toll. This first entry will have a couple, just because, well.....just because.

Seducing Myself
Last weekend we went out and did god knows what. Anyway, i must have passed out in my bed/made it to my bed at some point in the evening, and awoke at roughly 5:30 in the morning dying of thirst, and probably a little drunk still. I lifted my head and looked around my room to see candles lit and placed all around my room, and Coldplay playing out of my computer....yea i dunno what i was thinking. I don't think at any point there was a girl in my bed, so i guess i was seducing myself to slumber.

The Mortuary
This stroy is about Ernesto, as told by him:

i got really drunk the other night. so drunk that i woke up on a couch in the back yard of my frat. two hours later i finally make it home when i get a phone call from some random number. i was kinda drunk but here is the ensuing conversation as best i remember:

me: hello?

dude on the phone: hello, mr. davalos

me: uhhh...hi

dude: yes this is bill (dont really remember the name) with the black and black mortuary. (thats not really the name i just dont know if i can get in trouble for this)

me: well hi bill. why are you calling me?

dude: i was calling to confirm the funeral arrangements that you placed last night. you sounded very distraught and i am sorry for your loss.

me: wait. what loss? what are you talking about?

dude: you called very late last night and said that someone you knew was going to die and that you would like to set up arrangements for the burial of (papers rustle) ernesto davalos.

it is at this point that i realized exactly how fucking drunk i was. holy shit.

me: oh shit. hey listen bill i dont really now how to put this but last night i was really really drunk and i guess i got your number from 411 and drunk dialed my own funeral.

dude: you what?

me: yeah. bill im sorry but i am ernesto davalos and i figure that i still have at least 45 or fifty years left in me. ill call you then.

dude: yes. i guess you will.

and then he hung up. he sounded really pissed and i dont know if that last part was some kind of threat but its weird having a dude who handles dead people all day call you out.


Look for more exciting stories in the future

"Fly Guy" Email Update

For those of you who have not read my last post, read that one first before proceding forward.

So here's the update. I have continued to get email from Stephon, and decided to have a little fun with him at first. After getting the pics of boobs and vagina's i got one more pic......

From: Stephon
Here goes another one, she nasty as hell she put 3 fingers in herself, lol
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Yes, it was of what you guessed. An African American girl who put three fingers into her....well you know...ummm.... that thing girls repeatedly call Ernesto. Anyway, i don't even know this guy and i had had enough. I didn't want him to think i was some sorta homo. I mean i know he has no idea who i am, but i had to keep some respect for the guy that he thought i was, so i sent him this picture of this chick Erica from work telling Stephon i was "hittin it".
Yea obviously i was trying to get a cleavage shot, and no, her forehead really isn't that big in person (or is it?) but she wouldn't give me much to work with, i guess the engagement ring was holding her back a tad. But when he responded i began to think something was up.

From: Stephon
O yea I think I remember her, she bomb I aint gonna lie didn't she use 2 talk 2 keeny moltery or somethin
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Wait what? Hold on, he thinks he knows her? Either this is a great story from Erica that she has been holding back, or this guy is pulling a Stevie Wonder and is fucked up. So i play along and send him a message about how she's bomb as hell and she's been all over my nuts.

Note: If by any slight chance Erica reads this ever, i enjoy our working relationship and enjoy the level of professionalisim that we participate in on any given day. By no way is my discourse a reflection of a literal view i have towards you. I respect you and the high level of intelligence and work that you do.

Anyway, so he responds with

From: Stephon
U stupid, lol I got crazy hoes out here 4real but real shiit I'm bout 2 stop messin wit all these stupid hoes and stay true 2 that 1 I took 2 prom
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Ah Ha! A chance for me to finally do some good! I send him along email about maybe it is time to settle down, and everyone gets to a point where they need "2 stop messin wit all these stupid hoes" and find the right one for him. I decided by doing this Karma would smile favorably on me after this situation, and things would be ok. He responded with

From: Stephon
4real and real shit I think I'm bout 2 start right now, lol, I'm bout 2 hit up the movies wit wifey so I'm gonna hit up later
*lights, camera action when I walk through the door*
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

Ha HA! Success! I had made him understand it was time for him to settle down "wit wifey". I had not heard from him in a couple days and then just when i thought my ordeal was over. It began again

From: Stephon
Now these are some big ass titties my nigga, lol
*I got hoes in diffrent area codes*
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!
FUCK. I thought he had his wifey? As strange as it is to say, i know what his "wifey's" boobs look like from the earlier post, and these were similiar to an earlier email. Maybe he was just sending me pics he forgot to send me earlier. I was hoping that that was all it was, partly for him, and partly because somewhere in my deranged mind i though if he had a girlfriend he would be less inclined to beat my ass if he ever finds out who i am

From Stephon
I got hoes, lol and they love me, she got the bombest damn titties huh? I fuck her a regular to
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!
DUUUUUUUUDE. I have finally had enough. I am ready to tell him who i am and stop this fucking thing

Crazy Email

Since i have a sidekick (awesome) i get "T-Mail" which is email you get on your phone, which is set up wehn you get your phone. No one has the address so when i got an email a week ago i was skeptical.

From Stephon:
Was sup cuz?
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

I obviously have no idea who Stephon is but decided to play along for a bit. I dont have the emails i sent him, but here are the first couple i got back

From Stephon: What u been up 2 my nigg, haven't heard from u in a minute
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

From Stephon:
Gettin my prom tux right now, georgia's stupid as hell, nigga tatted up though
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

So what do i know? His name is Stephon, he is most likely black, he is in high school (probably a senior, he has tattoes, and that Georgia is "stupid as hell". Things were getting interesting and i could tell this was going somewhere good, so i began to prod him about prom


From Stephon:
Hell yea my tux fly ass hell, I see ya niggas are doin it big out there from ya myspace, how did ya season go
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

So i have a myspace? I am yet to find whoever myspace's account i have, but the *Fly Guy* HEY!!!thing is pretty annoying. But then it started getting worse. He started sending me pictures. Scary pictures


AHHHHH a gun? What the fuck? The name of the picture was "I aint never scared". Well i was, and am.

From Stephon: I aint gonna lie I seen ya niggas shinnin on myspace, can u believe they tryna get this nigga derell on battery charges 4 fighten
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

I decided after a couple messages like that i had enough. But then....then he sent me pics of his prom.

Looks like prom was fun bro...thanks for the sweet pics...just like my prom..... and then

From: Stephon Here goe one of my hoes, she got the bombest titties alive, lol
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!

WOAH WHAT THE FUCK. Things moved up a notch....and continued to
From: Stephon Lol ahhhhahhh here go a hoe I just pound 2day and she took a nigga 2 work, lol *Fly Guy* HEY!!!
DUUUUUUUUUDE. This was starting to get a little toooooo far. I deleted her face out of the picture becuase she was doing this puppy dog eye thing that i felt really bad about. I knew it was to far especially after i got this one.

From: Stephon
here goes her titties that big as hell
*Fly Guy* HEY!!!
And then i wont even post it, but he sent me a picture of the girls vagina super close up. When i asked him how she let him take a picture

From Stephon:

Naw she took that pic of herself and sent it 2 me talkin bout its all mine whenever I want it and all this other bull shit *Fly Guy* HEY!!! Wow, anyways thats all that has happened up until tonight...ill keep you updated