Elevator

A lot of days when i leave work, i get in the elevator, and we ride down it to the parking lot. We usually chit chat about something, and when we get to our floor, theirs always an awkward moment.

We usually look at each other and say "have a nice night" or "see you tomorrow" or "let's hope tonight's episode of the Bachelorette is better than last weeks".

And then, on some special nights, there is a few awkward minutes once we have already said our farewells, and we realize our cars are parked somewhere in the distance next to each other.

Their is an unspoken rule that once you say your farewell's, you are no longer allowed to speak to this person. It is common knowledge that one person slows down to walk behind the other, or at least one person looks at their phone randomly to make sure the time passes until we reach our cars.

And so Edmund, no i was not really on my phone, but that was a few awkward minutes on the way to our cars, so i thought i would be that person today

Signs i am getting old

• I'm starting to grow random hairs on my shoulders
• I cant sleep on the floor anymore. I need my own bed everynight
• I need to make sure i hydrate if i am at in the sun for long periods
• I enjoy the History channel
• I go to parties with my friends, and they bring their kid
• I start to refer to past events as the year they happened in, not the grade i was in school
• I can't sleep in till noon on weekends like i used to be able to
• I have more and more "errands" to run
• I am worried about the performance of my 401k

Notes i left for someone at work

Me and this guy John at work have a mutual love/hate. Tonight when i stayed late i left a post it note trail for him to check.


Part 1 - On the floor to the storage bin



Part 2 - A little note that says "look in here"



Part 3 - When he opens it up, a special message for him. i didnt get a pic of the "I"

Napping

Yesterday i played in a golf tournament for work. I had to get up really early in the morning, and when i got back all i wanted to do was take a nap. I decided to turn on the TV, and was looking for something that could put me to sleep.

I found the most boring, sleep inducing show ever. The Story of the founding of the WNBA. Wow it was so lame, talking about the struggles the women came to overcome diversity and what not to play basketball.

It was perfect. I fell asleep in minutes

This weekend i remembered what was wrong with America.

Saturday i had to go get my brakes fixed, and while i was sitting in the waiting room, i was flipping through Star magazine, which was enough to start to nauseate me. But as i got to the end, i saw the crossword puzzle.

The questions in the crossword puzzle were exactly what you would expect. Questions about Tom Cruise, Ugly Betty, and other such Hollywood drivel. The crossword puzzle, was impressively filled out. Every question was filled, and i realized that i was dealing with a real Hollywood gossip pro, until i realized that one question was empty. ONE question.

Two letters long.

The second letter was already known to be an "i"

The question: represents the ratio of any circles circumference to its diameter.

The answer is obvioulsy "pi". But even if you didnt know, im sure most people could guess. It astounded me that someone knew EVERY question related to fashion, hollywood starlets, and pop music, but couldnt fill in ONE letter on a normal question.

so so sad

The "Hi" Sneeze face

Do you know how, when you see someone in the hallway at work you sorta know, or at a bar or something, and you walk towards that person, and you get ready to say hi?

You get that sorta im-about-to-sneeze-face ready so when they look up/over at you you can say hi or what's up. then the person doesnt look up/over and you feel like a total douche?

I've been doing that to some guy i work with for months now. I went to high school with him, and i don't really want to talk to him about it, so i never look at him in the eyes when i walk by. I can see him ready with that look, and i feel bad that he has it ready, and i never let him deliver.

If you are that guy, i'm sorry. Yea, i know you, i just really have no idea what to talk to you about